![]() Lyd Havens lives in Boise, Idaho. Their work has previously been published in Ploughshares, The Shallow Ends, and Tinderbox Poetry Journal, among others. Lyd will graduate with their BFA in Creative Writing from Boise State University in 2021. I only mis-gender myself when Fleetwood Mac comes on
I’m not a woman, but part of me is always going to be a teenage girl, screaming into rivers and watching herself weep in the mirror. Sometimes my hair grows like a curse word. My lipstick smears, and my teeth find a new hysteria to fantasize about. I still identify as a spiteful bitch. The gold dust settles on my cheeks, but I don’t. The tables have turned, and now my father is afraid of me. Damn my fury, damn my forgiveness. I’ve learned to fight like an anarchist racehorse-- my legs will give out before my heart does. When I was still a girl, I cut all my hair off in mourning. Twice. When I was still a girl, I found my grandmother’s childhood braid framed in an attic. She sliced it off herself while angry at her own father. I sleep with scissors next to my bed, just in case. I practice a running start. I tell the mirror what I want to tell my father: you will never get away from the sound of the [ ] that hates you.
1 Comment
Ella
11/17/2021 12:21:23 am
Thank you for this. Stunning.
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